Ok. It was going to happen eventually so i'm gonna do it now. My experience with the male gender is actually very little. I blame it on the fact that I have no brothers (not really, a half brother whose much older doesnt count) and my father isnt your typical guy.
I remember in elementary school being titled "The Kissy Woman." And it was my job to chase away the boys that bothered the other girls by threatening to kiss them. I figure this title, or others that are similar to it has been bestowed upon many other young females. Except, I imagine that that title has been revoked since then for those girls.
For some reason, for me, this is not the case.
I scare every guy away. And I dont know why. I've checked to see if unpleasant Oder wafts from me (trust me, it doesnt I shower and everything) or is maybe my teeth are grotesque, and yet no matter what I do guys are afraid of me.
Recently i've noticed a guy in my ward. Actually, I think he might be two guys because it seems almost every other wear he either sports a goatee or not, and I dont know if a guy can grow a full goatee after shaving it off within a week...
NEWAYS,
So far I have not managed to say hello to him, or make verbal contact without it being through another person. How is this possible you ask? Well, let me give an example. This guy, i'll call him Mr. Goatee or No Goatee, talks to the girls around me (ones, I might add, are not as pleasant to look upon as myself) and even holds normal conversations. And i'll join into said conversation by talking to this third party, but we have yet to actually SPEAK to eachother.
This strange exchange had happened exactly twice.
Also, one sunday (while I was up leading the music) I looked down to see he was sitting by himself in the congregation. I felt confident and even pretty that day, so I decided i'd go sit by him during sunday school later.
Getting up the courage, I searched for him but the boy had LEFT church! Either that or he was hiding somewhere. In any case I couldnt find him.
THEN the next sunday, after getting up the courage and not feeling quite as confident, I went and sat by him and he immediately got up and walked away...
SO THATS IT!
THAT IS IS!
I'm done.
Through.
Finished!
So I think...
He comes back and sits back down with his friend.
Unfortunately by that point my nerves are shot and my opening line I had all prepared based upon a previous third party conversation was defeated.
For anyone who would like to know my sweet starting line it was: "So... are you a car guru?"
*sigh* You'd think i'd end my sad tale there. But oh no. Theres more.
LAST sunday, I saw him again. This time he was Mr. No Goatee. The opportunity to say "Hi!" was perfect. I walked towards him, he walked towards me, I looks good, he didnt look quite so good having no goatee... AND THEN...
I see the image of my grandmothers face.
Grandma: "Dont scare him!"
At the last second I see my friend in the church library and wave to her, throwing my greeting in her direction as he walks on by me....
I think im cursed. I really do. I think I have the worst luck in the world when it comes to love. Other people seem to have no problem at all.
Do you remember playing with magnets in school? And there was the whole pole thing? How it works escapes my mind. But wherever they were stored there was always that one broken magnet that didnt work anymore. It just didnt magnetize to anything, and it was broken and cut kids and gave them magnetic slivers?
No...?
Well maybe that was just my school then.
Anyways, I feel like that magnet. I'm just broken I guess.
BTW, to anyone who IS in a relationship and reading this. It is GROSS to sit and nuzzle your partner in the middle of church! I sat behind this young couple this last Sunday who were "So in love" and she kept sticking her nose into his ear. HIS EAR! And then she'd nuzzle him all affectionately and whisper! I wanted to be like "GET A LIVING ROOM!"
Keep that stuff at home guys. No one wants to see that. Especially in a singles ward.
NEWAYS....
Another fact to prove that im cursed when it comes to men:
Today my friend HH and I went out to get some lunch and the guy at the pick up window was TOTALLY hot! Like, you expect when you pull up it's either gonna be come strange old lady or a pimply young guy with too much red hair, but this dude was SOOO cute! And every time he left the window i'd turn to HH and make that "OMG! HE'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!" face (yes you were supposed to use the Teen Gurl Squad voice in your mind there).
But unfortunately I had decided to expose HH to the soft and yet awesome awesomeness of Dr. Horribles sing-along blog and just as the music started to blast the words, "YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" Mr. Cutie pants comes back to the window.
I dont know what face I made that made him make THAT face, but when we looked at each other, I was no longer just a customer to him, but a total freak. He handed me the drinks without saying anything, and even forgot to give us straws.
Then, when the window opened again, who did I see holding our food. Not Mr. Cutie Pants. Oh no, he was LONG gone. It was that crazy old lady you normally expect to see.
They run from me. Run for the hills. And i'm too lazy to run after them.
Besides you're not supposed to run after them. Thats what my mother says. She says you're supposed to run from them until you catch them. How that works i'll never know.
The Confused End
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